"So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God."
Listening, one of the easiest things we do, yet it is one of the hardest. There is a significant difference between simply hearing and listening; hearing, in biological terms - is a process using ears to detect and perceive sounds - sound waves that transmit in a wide range of frequencies. While listening, our mind processes the sound into information that is taken into heart.
A skill that requires time, thought and practice to achieve masterfully—a requirement to obtain a caring relationship with our family, friends, and especially in missionary service.
Why is it so difficult to listen?
We now live in a high-tech world, where our minds and thoughts are preoccupied with multi-tasking and distractions that surrounds us. Unconsciously we do that, while sitting with a friend for a chat while at the same time, texting on our phone simultaneously - This prevents us from having a deep intimate connection with each other. We have become Isolated by the mind of technology – A poor substitute for human connection. With that, it breaks the channel God needs to connect with us.
"know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger." – James 1:19
Quick to hear and slow to speak. That's a good way to start. It is in our human nature to need to be heard, eager to speak our minds, our thoughts and what is in our hearts. With patience, our turn to speak will come eventually.
Becoming a good listener
Patience
"Unfortunately, many of us are too preoccupied with ourselves when we listen. Instead of concentrating on what is being said, we are busy deciding what to say in response or mentally rejecting the other person's point of view." – Dunn Lament.
Good listening requires concentration and patience - Which means we hear the other person out until they're done speaking. The speaker would rarely begin the conversation with what is most important; instead, they would build their way up to it.
One of my many bad habits is interrupting and impatience. I'd already know what my sister wants to say, so I'd interrupt her and give her my thoughts and advice. I later realized that sometimes, she doesn't want to hear my advice or opinions; instead, she needed someone to help discover her inner feelings and express what she needs to say. Still, I do at times get impatient, but becoming a "patient listener" requires time and practice.
Good listening is an act of love.
"Just as love to God begins with listening to His Word, so the beginning of love for the brethren is learning to listen to them" - Bonhoeffer.
Bonhoeffer mentioned, "love to God begins with listening to His Word," God asked us to Love one another as He loves us, a commandment emphasized throughout the Bible.
Listening, patiently with undivided attention is an act of love.
Just as Paul the apostle mentioned in the book of Philippians, "Let nothing be done through selfish ambition.." and "Let each of you look out not only for his own interest but also for the interest of others.." (Philippians 2:3&4) When we humble ourselves and conversate with one another selflessly, this is an act of love that shows compassion and kindness, as reflected in Corinthians 13:4 "Love is patient, love is kind.."
Just as my friend would patiently listen an hour to every word of venting from me, it reflects her love and cares towards me, rather than someone who would interrupt and walk out. "Poor listening diminishes the other person while good listening invites them to exist and to matter."
Good listening gains wisdom and understanding.
"Counsel in the heart of man is like deep water, But a man of understanding will draw it out." - Proverbs 20:5
How else can we draw out the deepest water when we are not given full access in one's heart?
One best way is to listen to their inner thoughts and deepest feeling, is to fully understand and comprehend their needs and desires. We ask and dig deeper beneath the surface with an open mind until we find our answers, while carefully without interrogating the speaker if the speaker doesn't want to share the details. Instead, if the speaker cannot open up, we help them by giving them a fresh perspective of things that may lead to a solution. This requires wisdom and again, patience.
Good listening is an act of service.
"Listening can be a greater service than speaking." - Bonhoeffer.
During one of the medical trips, I sat among the doctors, watching them diagnose their patience. They sat there, patiently listening to all their patients' concerns about their pain and health. By gathering that information, the doctors were able to provide the needed cure. I've come to learn the important of listening. Listening, in silence can have a bigger impact than speaking in words of preaching.
Sometimes, one just needs a shoulder to lean on and share their emotions, and as they would walk in with a heavy burden on their shoulders, they would walk out lifted and feeling lighter. We ask others to pray for us, pray for our loved ones or for a particular occasion, God uses us as a channel to Him.
"God simply wants to use me as a channel of His affirming love as I listen with compassion and understanding.." - Bonhoeffer.
Good listening reflects our relationship with God
"He who can no longer listen to his brother will soon be no longer listening to God either.." - Bonhoeffer
God is the stranger that is knocking on your door. He is the sick waiting for your visit, the hungry poor that is need of clothing and the lonely prisoner that needs company and compassion. (Matthew 25:35-40).
Those who think that his time is too valuable to spend listening quietly will eventually have no time for God instead of for himself only.
God poured His grace into our lives, becoming His means of grace in the lives of others. Becoming His channel towards others as our acts reflect Him to the world. "You are the light of the world" (Matthew 5:14).
