One Negative setback and here you go one-way ticket to Melancholy island. However, it all depends on your attitude towards the situations life puts you through.
Oh, the Irony!
While working on this post, four days after finally completing it, life decided to test me with my ten commandments. I’ve lost all that I have written... Since forgetting to back up my work, there was no way of recovering it - Lesson learnt! Usually, at times like these, I’d throw a tantrum and give up. Luckily I had gym training, which helped me blow off some steam. While training, my trainer and I started talking about the ten commandments I created. Asking a few challenging questions I felt we got more in-depth as we discussed through it. “Write it. I’m sure the second time you write it will be a lot better than the previous one, and soon as you're done, share it with me. I'd love to read it.” His words were encouraging and gave me hope. After leaving training with a positive attitude, I went straight to it. Always think positive!
“How are you always so positive?” I’ve been asked this a lot.
Guess what, I wasn’t always positive; in fact, I was known as Little Miss Negative Nancy, the pessimist. My mind was influenced by all the negativity, which made it challenging for me to stay positive. One day, I decided to go on a missionary trip to Africa, the best way to detach myself from all of my surroundings and distractions. It was then when I discovered myself and regained my inner peace. This journey created a positive rippling effect on my life removing all the negativity I’ve had and revealed the ten commandments of positivity.
The Ten Commandments of Positivity
1. Love
"Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier."
- Saint Mother Teresa
Love is the number one Commandment in life - for the spiritual and the non-spiritual. Being brought up in a Christian home, I was always taught to love one another as well as my enemies - love everyone. Applying that in my life has been challenging were at times, instead, I wanted to hate, but couldn't. The long term result though was worth it because those who were once my enemies transformed into new friendships. Hate causes distress and destroys your inner peace. With hate comes darkness, depression, stress and of course, negativity.
Let’s talk breakups...
With a broken heart, all I wanted to do is hate “him”- this hate lasted for a long while. That hatred stopped me from moving forward and kept me looking back in resentment. I lacked inner peace, and inside me, all I felt was discomfort and was not able to move on. I reached the point where “hating” exhausted me. I learned to forgive, stop hating and instead appreciate all the good memories shared in the past. By focusing on the positive side of this breakup, that is “freedom” and “ to trust that God has better plans for me in the future, ” that hatred was gone, and inside me, I finally felt peace. That gave me closure.
Do everything with love. If you love your job, you’ll enjoy it and in result, succeed. Just as my favourite school subjects - music and art I excelled while math, well... I’m sure you can relate!
Love yourself! Learn to love yourself! I compared myself to others. Not being thin enough, my curves are not in the right places, my hair is too short, and I wish I was as successful as he is. Social Media have distorted the image of beauty and perfection. After realizing that I am unique and beautiful in my way, I was able to start loving myself. That was when I began the process of “self-improvement”, become a better me - no I still have my curves in all the wrong areas, but at least my hair grew longer! I launched my own business, which I am passionate about; I’ve become more positive and confident.
2. Smile
“Every time you smile at someone, it is an action of love, a gift to that person, a beautiful thing.” -Saint Mother Teresa
Never underestimate the power of a smile. Smiling at someone can save someone’s life because a smile, it is a sign of love, comfort and care.
Let's Talk Science!
Always smile, even when you’re feeling down or when you cry. Smile even when you don’t feel like it, force it, it’ll make you feel better. Scientifically proven that when you smile, you release the feel-good-messengers that work towards fighting stress to your brain. When you smile, you release dopamine, endorphins and serotonin into your bloodstream, making not only your body relax, but also lower your heart rate and blood pressure. Fact of the day: Endorphins are known as natural painkillers produced by your own body.
Smiling is contagious!
Smiling doesn’t only have a positive effect on yourself but to others around you. When smiling they are bound to smile back at you! Having a positive aura will transfer to others. When you smile, people will treat you differently in a positive way. They’ll find you approachable and attractive – remember, smiling is the best accessory you’ll wear!
3. The act of giving
“Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able to give” - Eleanor Roosevelt.
I found happiness soon as I began the act of giving. That was when I discovered myself, who I am and found my purpose in life.
"There is a much deeper, much greater hunger; and that is the hunger for love, and that terrible loneliness and being unwanted, unloved – being abandoned by everybody.”
- Saint Mother Teresa
I felt that donating money, water and food wasn't enough, I wanted to do more, give more. Giving comes in every form, not just materialistic but also can be giving yourself or through emotions. What some are longing more is for love and to be given hope in life. Giving a single hug made this child smile and feel loved while comforting someone in grief gave them hope and peace. This experience truly touched me. I found my purpose in life - the act of giving, that's what makes me happy and ever since I've been pursuing it on a yearly basis. It's addicting. You don’t need to travel to far exotic places to give to others. You can give to those closest to you, your loved ones, your home.
4. Find your purpose
“We ourselves feel that what we are doing is just a drop in the ocean. But the ocean would be less because of that missing drop.”
– Saint Mother Teresa
Why am I here? The Golden question we ask ourselves. What’s our purpose in life? Who am I? Am I any use in this world?
You can feel lost in this world, feeling something is missing in your life. You wish you can make a big difference in the world, but you don’t know how to. By finding your purpose, you’ll also discover who you are. Some may say that it is merely just a dream that will forever remain a dream while you live in reality called life, but what if that dream becomes your reality? Why not? Nothing is impossible. Finding your purpose gives you motivation and something to look forward to.
I’ve experienced this empty feeling, not knowing who I am and why I’m here. My life was a big question mark. My dream since I was young was to make a difference in this world – to have my mark and change the lives of others. As an Interior designer, the furthest I can go is designing other’s dream homes, but this didn’t feel right, I didn’t feel complete, I felt useless. The opportunity to go to Africa gave me the chance for new adventures and experience something new out of my comfort zone – little did I know, it was getting out of my comfort zone that made me discover who I am and find my life purpose. My life changed and it was never the same since. My mind wandered away from the mundane things in life and focused on what is important - seeing the bigger picture.
Yes, sometimes to find your life’s passion and purpose, you need to take action, take risks and get out of your comfort zone rather than sitting in a cubicle of fear and comfort. As Nike says “Just Do It!”.
5. Be thankful
“Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.”
- Oprah Winfrey
Each season, the latest iPhone and Samsung is launched and from looking at your current iPhone that was once "in and now" you're left unsatisfied. Trends come and go and keeping up can wear you out!
When is having enough, enough? You can never have enough, and you’ll always want more. Being thankful for what you’ve got will bring satisfaction.
I flew to Kenya during one of my mission trips, where the experience taught me a valuable life lesson - be thankful. In a rural village of small huts, we were welcomed with open arms to a family’s home. A mum, a dad and their three children living in a humble shack that consists of one multi-purpose room that serves as a living room, a dining and a bedroom with a radio as their only source of entertainment. The bathroom and kitchen were shared among their neighbours outside the house. The wife mentions with a smile “you’re considered well off when you have a roof above your head, and I am thankful for that”. I've never met a family as full of joy and happiness as they are. Ever since the visit, I couldn’t stop thinking “how is that they are happier than we are? regardless of the situation and circumstances?” I’ve realized that it is because they are thankful; they have everything they want and need while I - myself am selfish and spoilt. I’ve always wanted more and never had enough. My attitude changed since, I've become thankful, and ever since I've had everything and it felt enough. I felt perfectly content.
6. Less is more
“Care less about what you own, care more about how you live.”
- Saint Mother Teresa
Less is more. You’ll find that in many religions where detaching yourself from worldly vanities is being taught as the first step to live a spiritual life.
“Do not love the world or the things in the world." - 1 John 2:15-17.
It’s never enough. We work for success to earn as much money as we could so we could live a life of luxury. We’re not enjoying what we do, and we’re not enjoying life, we’re not living..No matter how much we possess, it will never be enough. So when is enough?
Detaching myself as much as possible from worldly possessions removed a heavy load off my chest. As it got light, I was able to take a deeper breath of relief. The less I’ve cared on mundane things, the more I was able to focus on living life itself and do the things that genuinely made me happy.
Less is more. The less you worry, the more you smile, the less you judge, the more compassionate you’d be, the less you stress, the more you feel blessed and the less you hate, the more you’ll love.
7. Simplicity
“Focus and simplicity. Simple can be harder than complex: You have to work hard to get your thinking clean to make it simple. But it is worth it in the end because once you get there, you can move mountains.”
- Steve Jobs
Removing layers of complex thoughts from your mind can be the first step of removing the heavy baggage off your life’s journey. They say those who live simple are happiest. Rather than over-thinking over what could have been and what should have been, accept it and move on.
Think like a child, with its purity and simplicity; life is less complicated. I look back at my childhood years thinking how much happier and stress-free I’ve been. The furthest worry I had was having my dessert first before my meal. I decided to look at the world with a child’s eye... Wow! the difference! Clearing my mind and keeping it as pure as it has once been, helped me think straight and stress less. Now it's the small, simple things like a flower would make me smile.
8. Live in the moment
“Be happy in the moment, that’s enough. Each moment is all we need, not more.”
—Mother Teresa.
The past
I use to constantly look back in all the mistakes that I regret in the past. At some point, it became a daily routine where I repeatedly wished I’ve done things differently back then. “What is done is done, it’s in the past, and you can’t change it, get over it and move on!”. That was my wake-up call. Why stress over something I can’t change? Just learn from it and move on, do better and don’t repeat it. It’s ok to make mistakes, and it’s ok to fail, I decided to accept that, everyone goes through this in life, it is how we grow, learn and experience.
The future
I see this a lot in others where stressing about the future took over their lives. I’ve got a friend who obsesses over what could “possibly” happen in the future stopped her from living in the present. My advice to her was “why do you worry over something that didn’t happen yet or might not even happen? Rather than worrying about something that does not yet exist, how about focusing on the present? What you do today will affect your tomorrow. Every problem has a solution this I promise you.”
Don’t get me wrong, don’t neglect the future. Have your goal and aim and work towards it while taking it day by day. Life lesson learnt: expect the unexpected, sometimes the plans you make might not always come to play, you’ll have to take a small detour to reach your final destination. Sometimes your plans don't work out because something better is going to happen. Be patient.
The Present
Be happy in the moment, that’s enough. By occupying yourself on the worries of the future and your past regrets, you’re blinded from seeing what’s currently in front of you.
You miss out on the beautiful moment right in front of you. Let go and accept the fact that the only thing you can control is the present, now. It's sad to see workaholics who still not reached 30, focused on nothing but work and missing every precious occasion while their relationship with “the love of my life” is broken up and for what cost? Is isolating yourself and missing out on life experiences worth it? Do you want to reach success alone? Or would you like to reach there with the best experiences in life and with your loved ones? No one wants to be alone. Find the perfect balance between work, friends and everything else in life. No one wants to look back in regret "I didn't live my life...I wish I enjoyed it". Live in the moment and learn to let go.
9. Find the silver Lining
“Every cloud has a silver lining.”
“Silver Lining” – “When you want to emphasize the hopeful side of a situation that might seem gloomy on the surface”.
What’s the first thing you do soon as something unforgivable happens? Watch sappy romantics or listening to the sad playlist you created on your Spotify - Yes I’m guilty of that. You set yourself on auto-pilot and switched on depression mode. You feel sorry for yourself and think about all the disappointments while all the past wounds have opened up again. Don’t worry; every cloud has a silver lining, and there’s always a way to find the silver lining in a bad situation.
How to find the silver lining.
Have a positive attitude. By having a positive attitude, you’ll be able to get things back on track and gain control once again. Easy? Not really, but soon as you realize that new opportunities are on their way, you’ll recognize all the good you have in life and look forward to what is about to unfold in your future.
Re-evaluate. In these unfortunate situations, you should ask yourself, did this make me happy? Sometimes when things come to an end, you realize the freedom you have gained. Maybe this situation is more of a wake-up call to work on whatever flaws you have. It is the chance to restructure your life to the better and take a turn to what truly makes you happy. Take this as the opportunity for freedom and self-improvement.
Gain Control. You can’t control the situation, but you can control yourself. No one can control you. Soon as you accept that you can’t change the circumstances but changing the way you look at it at a positive perspective will change everything, and you’ll be able to pick yourself up and move forward.
“Rather than letting the bad moment go on for what feels like an eternity, have the power to take control and force it towards the bright side of life.”
Remind yourself what you have accomplished or your goals/purpose. Having goals, or reminding yourself of the things you have accomplished in life will make you a lot more positive and making it a lot easier to see through the bad parts of life.
Hit the reset button. Just step back and take a small break, try to detach yourself from everything that surrounds you by travelling, going to your favourite café in the morning or teak a break from work. By simply reflecting on what truly makes you happy will give you a fresh perspective and steer you away from the negative.
There’s nothing wrong with failing. Every success has faced failure at some point; they just kept on fighting. People will always post what they succeed, not their failures on social media, so don’t be fooled. When you fail (which you will at some point), it’s ok, don’t dwell on it; just learn from it and keep on going.
Never give up, no matter what. Don’t forget it isn’t over till it’s over.
“Every day, think as you wake up, today I am fortunate to be alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others; to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings. I am going to have kind thoughts towards others, and I am not going to get angry or think wrongly about others. I am going to benefit others as much as I can."
– Dalai Lama
10. Inner Peace
"True happiness comes from having a sense of inner peace and contentment " - Dalai Lama.
It’s hard sometimes to gain inner peace when there are so many distractions surrounding you. I always start my mornings having some alone time. I’d sit at my favourite café, read, reflect and meditate. Doing so every morning helps me start my day peacefully and calmly. I once broke that routine, and I felt like everything was chaotic and out of control - Never again.
Don’t give others the power to destroy your inner peace. No one can permanently take it from you.
Peace is the key. If you have inner peace, any problems you face shouldn’t affect your inner peace – in mind and heart. Without inner peace, no matter how financially you are comfortable in life or how well educated, your happiness can be clouded by every worry and stress due to every circumstance affecting you, causing you to self-destruct.
Believe it or not, following the other 9 commandments of positivity will give you the gift of inner peace, that's how I've mastered it. I had to fall hard once to realize the importance of inner peace. Learning to gain inner peace was a deep learning process and a long life-changing journey of ups and downs I had to take. I've learned to accept myself and take life easy. By improving my lifestyle and simplifying my thoughts, dealing with any negativity or stress life throws at me has become no sweat and painless!
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